Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I bet you think this blog is about you, don't you?

I realized yesterday that it was just about time for me to write a new blog. When I realized it was time for that, I realized for the first time ever, I DON'T have anything to write about. So I decided today I will write about....*drum roll please*.....nothing. That's right, you heard me, I am writing today about absolutely nothing. In all honestly, my patience with the human race these days is waning. Every day I see people do things, and hear people say things or type things, and I think to myself, what really is WRONG with people? I mean, is there something in the air? The water? Is 90% of the human race on some kind of weird drug, and I just didn't get the memo? OK so I'm sure some of you are now thinking 2 things. 1) what makes her so *&^%$# perfect? I am not, nor will I EVER claim to be perfect, so get that thought out of your head right now. 2) Crap! Is she talking about ME?! The honest truth on that one, is I could very well be. Let me break for a second here. I know some people reading this have automatically stopped taking in everything I'm saying, and started evaluating themselves. Cut that shit out. Yes you, seriously stop it. No I mean it, put the breaks on pal. If on the off chance I AM talking about you, keep reading before you freak out on yourself. The human race seems to have some weird natural need to "fit in" with...what? What on earth is everyone tried to fit IN too? I personally, do not like being shoved into a cookie cutter. They are sharp as hell and the metal chafes. But no for serious here stop giggling, where are we all tryin to fit? A very good friend of mine has a good word for people that try to fit themselves into cookie cutters. Sheeple he calls them. Followers. Your evaluating yourself again aren't you? For the millionth time STOP IT and just listen to me. Dare to be different. Wait no, scratch that. Dare to be you. I triple dog dare you. It isn't as hard as you think it is, actually it can be pretty easy if you set your mind on it. And STOP evaluating yourself damn-it all STOP it right now. Just be you.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Dear Ben & Jerry's.

I like ice cream. A lot. Its very tasty isn't it? Creamy, cold, nice on a hot day, usually has something gooey or chocolatey in it, and there is a flavor for just about every taste bud you could possibly imagine. Now let me tell you what I do not like. What I do not like is when brash companies find it okay to tell the consumer how stupid they are for "letting" another company "rip them off". I don't know about anyone else, but around my house, we are pretty brand specific when we buy certain things, like, oh say..... ice cream for an example. My mother has a love of the Haagen Daz brand ice cream, and I must admit, it is indeed one of the tastiest brands there is out there. I on the other hand, am more of a Ben & Jerry's person myself. Or I should say, WAS a Ben & Jerry's person. Now I will take a second to copy and paste an email I wrote this evening to the Ben & Jerry's company, to fill in the story, so you don't have to read it twice. The email reads as follows:
I purchased a pint of Haagen Daz ice cream at the grocery store the other day. Now your wondering why I'm writing you correct? Your Ben & Jerrys. Well you happen to be my favorite ice cream company, however, after what happened to me when I purchased the Haagen Daz (for my mother mind you) I may never buy any of your products again. I got a few coupons out of that coupon printer they have at the registers of some grocery stores. One of the "coupons" I received surprised me quite a bit. Ben & Jerry's logo splashed across the front, with big bold letters informing me that by purchasing the Haagen Daz I just purchased I had lost 2 whole ounces of ice cream, then had I purchased your precious product. You DO realize that your product is WAY more expensive then the product I purchased correct? Sure you pay for quality, but it really burned my perpetual ass that you decided you needed to waste the paper and ink to inform me via coupon that your ice cream was superior to the ice cream I bought. If I had wanted to buy your ice cream, I would have. A peice of paper informing me that I was basically stupid for purchasing the product I did purchase will not change that. Did you expect me to take back the ice cream I bought and buy yours instead? Did you expect that I would say "oh a whole 2 ounces next time I will definitely buy Ben & Jerrys". I thought you might want to know that you accomplished the EXACT opposite of what you set out to do by trying to "inform" me that I was loosing precious ounces of ice cream by purchasing that particular product and not yours. I am not in the habit of spending my money on a company that basically informed me that I couldn't count and was stupid for buying someone else's product. Have a nice day.
And end email.
Now this brings up a question. Why would they, as a corporation, presume to tell me, as a consumer, that there was some fault in ME for NOT buying their product? As do most people, when I buy a product, I'm pretty sure I know exactly what it is I'm buying. When I picked up that container of ice cream, I picked it up because it was on the list of things to buy. Period. Why would Ben & Jerry's waste paper and ink on something like this? So your product has 2 ounces more in it than someone elses? Whoopdie crap, want a cookie? I buy what I want to buy irregardless of your presumptions about how much better you may or may not be than someone else. Get over yourselves. As great as you may very well be, NO ONE is THAT great.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Your stupid, now what?

Ever have a rough few days, nothing major just personal issues, only to realize at the end of the second day how completely stupid you have been? In a ten minute conversation with my father I went from *omg panic* to *omg your freaking stupid*. If you have ever heard of something called the drama triangle, you know what it means to be a victim, rescuer, or persecutor. When you are in that triangle, playing one of those roles, nothing adds up in your life. Its like trying to solve the equation 2+2 and always getting 7. No matter how you slice it 2+2 is always supposed to equal 4. If your adding them and getting 7, that means something is wrong with YOU. Not anyone else, YOU. I wasted that past 2 days worrying myself into not eating and feeling like vomiting and crying every time I turned a corner. Then tonight, I made a decision to do something, something I had a mind to do a few times today and just couldn't bring myself too. So I did, got an answer, got pissed as hell about my answer, wrote out a vent to a bunch of awesome ladies on cafemom *love you girls* then stopped. I stopped and said to myself, what the hell are you DOING here? This isn't you. You are smart, sexy, and confident, not weepy, insecure, and pissy. Then I had a small talk with my dad, and he pointed out that I brought myself into one of the 3 corners of the drama triangle, I set MYSELF up to be the victim. I thought the worst of someone, and I had no right to do as such, and in turn, I set myself up to be disappointed by that person. How dare I do that? I mean seriously, how DARE I. So now, after 2 days of worrying myself into being sick, just like that *snaps fingers* I'm fine. I'm me again, and I'm glad to be back. I missed myself.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Shouldn't a "Pediatric" in front of DR imply good with kids?

Okay moms and dads, you paying attention? Good now listen up. If you take your child to a DR, and they behave out of the ordinary from how they usually behave at a DR's office, SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THE DR NOT YOUR CHILD. There is nothing I despise more than someone who spent a million years getting educated to be a special DR that works with children, yet has no patience or skills with children at all. I personally know more than one DR who have no formal pediatric experience whatsoever, and yet they have an amazing ability to make children at ease within minutes. The raw truth here is, if you don't like children, and have no patience for them, DR or not, you should not be working around them. I don't really particularly care how wonderfully patient your staff is, your staff is not who I am there to see, YOU are. You have told my 3 year old to sit still more times than I do in a week, in less than 10 minutes, and said things like "Oh your usually so good I don't know whats wrong with you today". Do you have children DR pediatric specialist? If you do I would imagine you know THREE YEAR OLDS DO NOT SIT STILL. Let me break for a moment to gush as a mom. I have a wonderfully well behaved and super smart 3 year old son. He has been going to specialists since he was 2 years old, 2 different ones, and I have always been very proud of how he acts at his DR appointments, he sits still very well, listens, lets DR's bend his legs backwards and look in his eyes generally without moving such as an inch or two. This is why I bring this up. How is it, that all of a sudden, he started acting out of character for him? It seems to me that children pick up on a lot more than adults give them credit for, and this little guy picked up on DR pediatric specialists bad attitude as soon as DR walked into the room. Maybe DR was having a bad day, I don't know, wont pretend to know, but how is it that I have to let my child be affected by your bad day? Leave your baggage at the door and do your damn job as a DR, and quit being nasty to my 3 year old. Hes been through enough this past year and a half. Next time DR pediatric specialist, momma bear WILL come out, and let me give you a clue about momma bear. She isn't nice. Ask the pediatric allergist who crossed me last month how not nice momma bear is, I bet you already know the answer. Moms and dads are you still with me? I'm about to get to the moral of my little story. The moral of the story is this: You are the parent. I know what your thinking, You already knew that right? I know I know it sounds simple, but its not. You as the parent are the ONLY voice your child has until they find their own. You have to be an advocate for them. Don't be afraid to tell a Dr or a school teacher or a day care provider, NO you WILL do it MY way or we WILL go elsewhere. After all, kids are people too right? I thought you would see it my way.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Its just a sandwich.

I would like to share a story with my readers this evening. A story about a girl. A girl and her sandwich. So tonight I had a rare treat on my hands, about an hour and a half all to myself and the ability to choose whatever I wanted to eat for dinner. Oh the agony of choice. Chinese? Nah just had it. EJ's? good, organic, but expensive. Maritime? Greasy. Could go to Rockland but thats most likely more greasy nasty stuff, could go home, but then I have to make something. So the logical choice would be *drum roll please* Subway. Its one minute from my house, fairly healthy and quite cheap and also usually pretty quick. Into the parking lot and up the crickety wooden stairs I go, a nice lady leaves the door open for me, and *inhales* mmmmmmmmmm love that fresh baked bread smell. Up to the counter, where a young girl and her father are ordering sandwiches for their whole family. Perfect, just enough time to look at the menu and decide what I...... *looks up*.....Oh dear. The menu! BLAST THAT MENU. More decisions! Alright now, were going for healthy ish right? So as I look at the menu I must evaluate what is OK and what is not. Lets list a few shall we? Meatball? Definitely not an option. Cheesy, saucy, messy, and veggies are hard to place. Steak and cheese? Another no, more melty cheesy goodness and again, hard to place veggies on this one other than onions and peppers. Sweet onion chicken teriyaki? A possibility, could be made more on the healthy side, but have you ever eaten one of those? Messy is an understatement. Sweet lord I can NOT have a breakdown in the middle of a Subway! This can not happen. Its just a damn sandwich! More choices. Turkey? Too healthy. Ham? Got 1/2lb of that in my lunch-meat drawer at home. Veggie? Yeah right THATS gonna happen. I scan a little to the right, about to turn on my tails and make a break for the door, when I look up and there it is. Staring me in the face. How could I have forgotten about you? Chicken Salad of COURSE! OK so yes it has mayo, but I probably would have put mayo on my sandwich anyways, and mixed in with the chicken is less mess. Chicken is nice lean meat after all, thats on the healthy SIDE and still tasty, plus it eliminates the need for cheese, hell ill swap mayo for cheese any day. And I have chosen my sandwich, I did not have to make a run for it after all. I inhale again and step up to the counter as the nice lady smiles and greets me with a "What can I get for you today?". "Ill have a footlong chicken salad on...." BREAD. Crap.

Friday, April 8, 2011

So I'm a blogger..... right?

So like, I'm a blogger...... right? Wrong. I know your always wrong when you read my blog lol, sucks huh? Anyways I don't see myself as a blog writer, blog writers have topics to write about and they write on a schedule. Me I write about whatever I want whenever I want, some people like it, some don't, no skin off my back either way. Today I was going to write about the ever popular topic on everyones mind, the *gasp* Government Shutdown, but then as I sat here bringing up some Glee music on youtube, it occurred to me. Who REALLY knows whats going on? Like the real unbiased actual facts on whats happening. Guess what? No one does. I mean yeah sure there are big old bad boys and girls in Washington that know whats really going on, but you think they are gonna tell US? Yeah thats gonna happen just about the time Bugs Bunny replaces Obama in the oval office (not that he wouldn't do a better job, but thats another blog for another day). So we can all speculate all we want, but the truth is, there is no reason for it. No one really knows whats going to happen, or if somethings going to happen, and no matter what happens, no one will be able to prevent whatever it is that does or does not happen. The truth is, I'm damn sick of hearing about it. Call me mean, uncaring whatever you want, I would much rather read about the shocker of last nights American Idol elimination then to read one more article or post about the damn Government and how messed up our president is. Sure hes messed up, I personally would rather chew broken glass then hear him utter one word, but dude give it a freakin rest PLEASE. Don't make me beg any more than that, trust me this fat chick on her knees pleading is not as pretty of a sight as it sounds like it might be. So alright maybe I lied when I started writing this, maybe I AM a blogger. People listen up, this will be the PSA of the day from a silly mom: Stop worry so much about what other people are doing, the Government included, and just live your life. 3/4 of the stories we read are based on propaganda anyways (well okay maybe not 3/4 but be real here). Don't misunderstand me, watch the news, be informed, watch Fox CNN MSNBC ABC whatever news you desire, I know I do, but take everything with a grain of salt, take it for what it is and be aware that things are certainly not always what they seem to be. So anyways, about that American Idol elimination.......

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Frenemy: Definition

*cue dark music that plays when a bad guy comes on the movie screen* So we all have one. That one friend that really maybe shouldn't have been your friend in the first place. I know whoever is reading this already has someone in mind, you know who I mean. That one person who you let get away with murder in your friendship while you just.....took it. Okay, so maybe not EVERYONE has that one friend, maybe there are people out there that are strong enough to say HEY knock it the heck off or get the heck out. That however, is not me. Now I know some of you are going, what makes you so great huh?I guess your perfect right? Let me give you a disclaimer before I go on. I by no means am or have EVER claimed to be perfect. Ive done some shitty things and said some shitty things, and sometimes can be a crappy friend. That is not what I'm talking about, what I'm talking about is when someone claiming to be your friend walks all over you for years, and you let it happen. Here is an example. You have just met and started to hang out with this person on a semi regular basis. You have two other friends that you hang with, and you let this other person in on your little threesome (don't be dirty minded sickos), the three of you basically get together every night after work, and this other person starts to join you. You laugh you have fun, you jump in the car and travel places. One day you are the last one to get out of work, and you head over to your friends house where you always meet, only to discover that the 3 of your friends had taken off someplace without you. Why you ask? Because the new friend in the group told the other two you didn't want to hang out tonight because you were tired. A lie. This "friend" lied to your other friends to get you out of the picture, to intentionally leave you out and make you feel like garbage. What do you do about it? Nothing. Don't say a word, don't tell anyone, just put it behind you and move on, while CONTINUING to hang out with this person, like nothing happened. That ladies and gentlemen, is the definition of a frenemy. A friend and an enemy rolled up in one neat little package. I mean sure you had a blast together over the years, tons of good times, probably even more good times then bad, and the good times were some of the best of your life. But. Well lets face the facts, that one first time that something bad happened? That would be enough for some people to ditch this person and never look back, and that? That happened in some way shape or form more than a few times. This person thought it was okay to treat you this way. Yes I know, YOU established the pattern, you overlooked it once and they thought, hey when opportunity knocks you open the door right? My thoughts on how to finish this blog are few, you obviously can tell by reading that this person I am speaking of is indeed real, and that we have had a recent falling out. A falling out for which I got all the blame, and they took absolutely none. I am the big horrible mean bitch because I did one thing "wrong". Forget everything they did to me, no that doesn't matter. Its all me. This hurts. It hurts a lot. Telling everyone that will listen how horrible I am. Getting phone calls from friends making sure we are okay because you are running your pretty little mouth to anyone that will listen. Sitting home watching you have fun with people i'm close too and knowing I will never be invited again, because I had the courage to stand up to you for the first time ever. I had the courage to say ENOUGH. ENOUGH WITH THE BULLSHIT. The sad thing? I gained in this. You lost. Guess that means I win huh?

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Cell Phone talkers will be prosecuted.

Dear obnoxious lady walking around the grocery store talking on her cell phone......Oh wait a second, I forgot. Thats me. Well crap, I'M the obnoxious lady talking on her cell phone in the grocery store. Ok ok ok hold up. Why do I HAVE to be obnoxious just because I'm talking on my cell phone while I'm grocery shopping? Why do you have to give me a dirty look like I'm doing something wrong just because I'm chatting to a friend while I pick out my 87 1/2% lean ground beef? You see my dear, cell phones, or "mobile" phones, go WITH people places. Its why they are MOBILE. Why do you give a shit anyways? You do not own the grocery store, there is no sign outside that says "Cell phone talkers will be prosecuted". I'm not shoplifting, I'm having a conversation with a friend. If you do not own a cell phone, fine, thats your choice, and its also your choice not to like what i'm doing. But people, life is a 2 way street. Just as you have the right to not like what i'm doing, such as I have the right to do it without YOU looking at me like i'm committing bodily harm to someone. Alright I'll admit, MAYBE I don't take those corners as good one handed as I do 2 handed, and if I knock into a display of crackers and send em flying, then I deserve the dirty looks, and the snickers and giggles too. Until that happens, lets continue to try and wrap our heads around this don't judge others concept. People ARE going to do things you don't like, that ladies and gentlemen is life. *breaks into song* Thats liiiiiiiiiiife, thats what people sayyyyyyyyyyyyy. If we, as a society, spent less time worrying about what other people are doing, and concentrated on what we ourselves were up too, it would make life just plum easier for everyone. Just imagine it, we could all worry about ourselves and what we are doing, and what other people are doing could just cease to matter. I know I know, what other people do CAN affect what we do, its hard to ignore people, *insert other excuses here* and blah blah blah. Your right, that is true, and when that happens, then you gotta do what you gotta do, and I get that. All i'm saying is take what other people do with a grain of salt, after all does it REALLY matter if that lady in the store (okay ME) is talking on her cell phone? Think about it.

Friday, February 18, 2011

The age of technology and judgement

Would you like to know what the first thing I hear when I get downstairs with my 3 year old is every morning? I know, your thinking "good morning mom", or "hi mommy I love you" or something endearing like that right? Nope. "Mom I wanna play the blues clues game on your puter". *slaps face* I could've had a v8. 3 years old and he navigates the nick jr website like a champ, and plays his, yes HIS iPod touch with utter ease (something his grandfather cant even figure out how to turn on by the way). Now here is where your thinking, here she goes, shes going to ramble on about how technology is ruining our children and blah blah right? Wrong again. You know what else my 3 year old can do? Say his ABC's, count to 20, say his full name and what street he lives on, throw a football better than I can, build a tower that would stop a train with a set of legos, and even read and spell certain small words like cat and dog. Every game he plays on my computer teaches him something new, and he surprises me every day with something else new he has learned. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating violent video games or letting your child zone out in front of a computer screen or TV screen all day, but lets face it, kids learn crap from technology. Its the facts dude. On the website I frequent called Cafe Mom, I see whom I dub "sancti mommies" (I will use this phrase alot) who claim things like "I only let my child have one hour of computer time a day" or tv time or "they can only have their cell phones or iPods for one hour after dinner". GREAT. Good for you. Want a cookie? I let my child play on my computer all the time, watch as much TV as he wants, and his iPod goes everywhere with him, and guess what? he STILL plays outside, reads books, and plays with his Thomas the train wooden railway set and his ten thousand Mr potato head pieces, just like any other kid does. Ladies and gentlemen, here is what it boils down too. Its the age of technology baby, deal with it! If you don't wanna let your kid play the computer all the time great! Good for you! Props and kudos and *sings* all that jazz. Just like everything else in life, we live and learn as we grow. Okay ill give you that twenty years ago our parents played with sticks and rocks and made tree houses in the backyard, and were extremely happy doing so, but can you deny that the more recent generations are well... quite simply, smarter? Maybe we've allowed them to also become LAZIER, but their brains are little sponges. They just SOAK in what we give them!! When you hear a mother say that her child is playing a game on the computer, don't scoff... that very child may very well be learning the foundations of what they need to know to cure cancer, or AIDS, or to discover life on other planets!