Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I bet you think this blog is about you, don't you?

I realized yesterday that it was just about time for me to write a new blog. When I realized it was time for that, I realized for the first time ever, I DON'T have anything to write about. So I decided today I will write about....*drum roll please*.....nothing. That's right, you heard me, I am writing today about absolutely nothing. In all honestly, my patience with the human race these days is waning. Every day I see people do things, and hear people say things or type things, and I think to myself, what really is WRONG with people? I mean, is there something in the air? The water? Is 90% of the human race on some kind of weird drug, and I just didn't get the memo? OK so I'm sure some of you are now thinking 2 things. 1) what makes her so *&^%$# perfect? I am not, nor will I EVER claim to be perfect, so get that thought out of your head right now. 2) Crap! Is she talking about ME?! The honest truth on that one, is I could very well be. Let me break for a second here. I know some people reading this have automatically stopped taking in everything I'm saying, and started evaluating themselves. Cut that shit out. Yes you, seriously stop it. No I mean it, put the breaks on pal. If on the off chance I AM talking about you, keep reading before you freak out on yourself. The human race seems to have some weird natural need to "fit in" with...what? What on earth is everyone tried to fit IN too? I personally, do not like being shoved into a cookie cutter. They are sharp as hell and the metal chafes. But no for serious here stop giggling, where are we all tryin to fit? A very good friend of mine has a good word for people that try to fit themselves into cookie cutters. Sheeple he calls them. Followers. Your evaluating yourself again aren't you? For the millionth time STOP IT and just listen to me. Dare to be different. Wait no, scratch that. Dare to be you. I triple dog dare you. It isn't as hard as you think it is, actually it can be pretty easy if you set your mind on it. And STOP evaluating yourself damn-it all STOP it right now. Just be you.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Dear Ben & Jerry's.

I like ice cream. A lot. Its very tasty isn't it? Creamy, cold, nice on a hot day, usually has something gooey or chocolatey in it, and there is a flavor for just about every taste bud you could possibly imagine. Now let me tell you what I do not like. What I do not like is when brash companies find it okay to tell the consumer how stupid they are for "letting" another company "rip them off". I don't know about anyone else, but around my house, we are pretty brand specific when we buy certain things, like, oh say..... ice cream for an example. My mother has a love of the Haagen Daz brand ice cream, and I must admit, it is indeed one of the tastiest brands there is out there. I on the other hand, am more of a Ben & Jerry's person myself. Or I should say, WAS a Ben & Jerry's person. Now I will take a second to copy and paste an email I wrote this evening to the Ben & Jerry's company, to fill in the story, so you don't have to read it twice. The email reads as follows:
I purchased a pint of Haagen Daz ice cream at the grocery store the other day. Now your wondering why I'm writing you correct? Your Ben & Jerrys. Well you happen to be my favorite ice cream company, however, after what happened to me when I purchased the Haagen Daz (for my mother mind you) I may never buy any of your products again. I got a few coupons out of that coupon printer they have at the registers of some grocery stores. One of the "coupons" I received surprised me quite a bit. Ben & Jerry's logo splashed across the front, with big bold letters informing me that by purchasing the Haagen Daz I just purchased I had lost 2 whole ounces of ice cream, then had I purchased your precious product. You DO realize that your product is WAY more expensive then the product I purchased correct? Sure you pay for quality, but it really burned my perpetual ass that you decided you needed to waste the paper and ink to inform me via coupon that your ice cream was superior to the ice cream I bought. If I had wanted to buy your ice cream, I would have. A peice of paper informing me that I was basically stupid for purchasing the product I did purchase will not change that. Did you expect me to take back the ice cream I bought and buy yours instead? Did you expect that I would say "oh a whole 2 ounces next time I will definitely buy Ben & Jerrys". I thought you might want to know that you accomplished the EXACT opposite of what you set out to do by trying to "inform" me that I was loosing precious ounces of ice cream by purchasing that particular product and not yours. I am not in the habit of spending my money on a company that basically informed me that I couldn't count and was stupid for buying someone else's product. Have a nice day.
And end email.
Now this brings up a question. Why would they, as a corporation, presume to tell me, as a consumer, that there was some fault in ME for NOT buying their product? As do most people, when I buy a product, I'm pretty sure I know exactly what it is I'm buying. When I picked up that container of ice cream, I picked it up because it was on the list of things to buy. Period. Why would Ben & Jerry's waste paper and ink on something like this? So your product has 2 ounces more in it than someone elses? Whoopdie crap, want a cookie? I buy what I want to buy irregardless of your presumptions about how much better you may or may not be than someone else. Get over yourselves. As great as you may very well be, NO ONE is THAT great.