Saturday, May 28, 2011
Your stupid, now what?
Ever have a rough few days, nothing major just personal issues, only to realize at the end of the second day how completely stupid you have been? In a ten minute conversation with my father I went from *omg panic* to *omg your freaking stupid*. If you have ever heard of something called the drama triangle, you know what it means to be a victim, rescuer, or persecutor. When you are in that triangle, playing one of those roles, nothing adds up in your life. Its like trying to solve the equation 2+2 and always getting 7. No matter how you slice it 2+2 is always supposed to equal 4. If your adding them and getting 7, that means something is wrong with YOU. Not anyone else, YOU. I wasted that past 2 days worrying myself into not eating and feeling like vomiting and crying every time I turned a corner. Then tonight, I made a decision to do something, something I had a mind to do a few times today and just couldn't bring myself too. So I did, got an answer, got pissed as hell about my answer, wrote out a vent to a bunch of awesome ladies on cafemom *love you girls* then stopped. I stopped and said to myself, what the hell are you DOING here? This isn't you. You are smart, sexy, and confident, not weepy, insecure, and pissy. Then I had a small talk with my dad, and he pointed out that I brought myself into one of the 3 corners of the drama triangle, I set MYSELF up to be the victim. I thought the worst of someone, and I had no right to do as such, and in turn, I set myself up to be disappointed by that person. How dare I do that? I mean seriously, how DARE I. So now, after 2 days of worrying myself into being sick, just like that *snaps fingers* I'm fine. I'm me again, and I'm glad to be back. I missed myself.